Pause 3 Times

If you had to choose between someone remembering your name or someone really listening to you which would you choose?

All these leadership gurus pontificate on the importance of remembering people's names. Even one of my favorites, How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie promulgates this axiom of leadership. Well, let's face it, some of us are horrible at remembering names - including me. (I have to write them down in Evernote.)

More important is the skill of being a good listener. Being a good listener is a 2-step process. First you have to let the person talk. I know it sounds crazy but trust me, this is the first step. Second you have to value what they are saying enough to engage with it either in conversation or deeds.

My framework for step number one is to pause 3 times. In my head, I interrupt someone talking before I open my mouth to actually interrupt them. So, before I open my mouth I say the number 1 in my head. Inevitably a few seconds or minutes later, in my head I interrupt them again, so before I open my mouth to commit the vile deed I say the number 2 in my head. I do this a third time as well. After the third time, usually, the conversation has changed or I let myself interrupt them. Try it. It works and will set you down the road of being a better listener.

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